we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
