these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
my poor anus
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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