I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
