You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
