I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
