thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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