I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
