The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
