my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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