he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
