It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
