What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
