my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
