You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
