So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
