every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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