If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
