Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
