I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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