My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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