Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
