The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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