I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I met the friendliest cop last night
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
