I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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