if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
