I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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