honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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