Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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