i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
