Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
