girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
