sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
