I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
