Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
