dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I have fence marks all over my body
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
