Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
