she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
