I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I cut my penus on the lid.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
