Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
