the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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