They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
