Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why is there bacon in the couch?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
