Having a random hookup so left but love u
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
