is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
