If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
