i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
