My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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