Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
