Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
