she smelled like a LAN party
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
