she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
