You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i was born a porn star she said
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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