id be glad to
our cab driver is having phone sex.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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