I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
