What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
