so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
