Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
