I'm gonna have a badass scar
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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