her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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