Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
