The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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