If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
