there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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