I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I would ride that face into the sunset
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