R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
