I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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