...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
