Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
