she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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