I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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