He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
