Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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