Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
