we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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