Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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