i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When are your genitals available?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
