i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
