I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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