miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
