i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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