End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
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