We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
