Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
