apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
