just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize