Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
