So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
