sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
