I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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