Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My ATM looks so different sober.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
