He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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