my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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