so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
