I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
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