i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
