ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
