508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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