how can u be prego again
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
