my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
