yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
