I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
